Sunday, October 26, 2008

Motivation Behide Actions

Over the past couple of weeks I have felt an overwhelming pressure to explain my actions in life. Now I wonder, is this something that comes with the friends I have or is this something that God wants me to evaluate? However because it has been occurring more times then not I become an little uneasy. Do people think I have a deeper meaning be hide my action. I can't even take a vacation, a break from all of this without people questioning my reasons! WHY? Why do I need to example my actions, my hopes, my dreams, and my life with Jesus! Can't building my relationship with Jesus be enough? Can't that be a reason to wonder off? Can't that be a reason to fall in love with each and every person on this earth??? And if not, why can't it? Shouldn't the only person I need to explain things to be Jesus? Then why does everyone need to know, need to understand, and to be involved in every aspect in my life?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Picking Up Roots!

Sometimes in life God calls you to pick up your roots and to move. To leave the places you know and the friends and family you love and begin again. To believe in his ways and to follow. I took this step just over a year ago and now I am finding myself faced with the same choice again. However this seems even harder then before. Since moving here I have learned more about Jesus then I have ever thought was possible. I have completely given him my heart and now I look watching as he molds me into the person he originally designed me to be. With this comes a completely new outlook on life. I question my hopes and dreams and wonder what God has planned to turn them into reality and to turn them into the joys of my life. I have also imaged living overseas serving the Lord in some type of mission work. However it has always been on the back of my mind because I was waiting tell I was married and had someone to share the experience with. But lately I have decided that life is not worth waiting around. Life is meant to be full of joys and to live, laugh, love like there is no tomorrow. So now I'll take the leap of love and follow Jesus, where ever his love takes me!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Half-Marathon Completed!!!

I can finally say I have completed my first half-marathon ever!! This however comes with many lessons I have learned and still have to learn. Over the past five months I have been training with a very close friend of mine. We have had our set backs but in the end it never got in the way of finishing! I would have to say we came a long ways starting out not even being able to run a mile and now finishing 13.1 miles! WOW just looking at that I myself am impressed.

However the week before the race I had became ill and not knowing how I would even be able to cross the finish line. I trusted in God that he would give me the strength and heal me enough to be able to complete. Now going into the race I set aside all of my goals because at this point all I wanted to do was to cross the finish line with Jesus by my side. The race started out great and I was surprised by how well and fast I was running. It was an amazing atmosphere and the cheering crowd boosted my will power. I complete the 1st of 13 miles in just over 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. That was an amazing pace and if I could keep that up it would be truly amazing. At this time I think I started to set goals that I couldn't keep. Wanting to push God's power and help me complete something that was impossible for what I had trained for. However I kept going and pushing my self around. By the time I reached mile 5 I was on cloud nine. Still running at an 11 minute pace and it didn't seem like I was going to get weak. The only thing was that I was now leaving the crowds of people and the thoughts of not even being half done was entering my mind. I didn't want this to get in the way so I started thinking about a topic a good friend suggested. The topic of happiness and joy! This topic became a part of my mind and helped me get past the next five miles. However my mile 10 my body was starting to shut down. I started filling a intense pain in my foot! It hurt so bad and I prayed to God to take away the pain but it didn't go away. I kept trying to overcome the pain but it was just something I couldn't. I had pushed my mind, body, and soul as far as I could. It was now time to say ok I need to walk. For the next couple of miles I pushed through the pain and walked my way up and down the hills. It was something that was harder then running the first ten miles. By the end of the race I was joined by a friend who pushed me to finish strong. I know it was something that I had to do. As I made my last turn my eyes were full of tears and my teeth were biting away the pain. I took the last little bit of energy I had and ran! Across the finish line I went and I was now a half-marathon finisher.

When people have been asking about the race I try not to answer because I am not proud of how I did. But looking back I should be proud of the pain and miles I went through to be at the finish line. The months and miles I trained and all the 5 a.m. runs. This experience has been an experience I'll never forget and I know that it wouldn't of been possible if it wasn't for my Savior Jesus Christ who pushed me along.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Looking for more in all the wrong places!

Looking for more in life is something that makes you question God's love and his plan for yourself. It guides you away from God and replaces it with earthly things. You question how could this happen? You do everything possible for God's plan, you read the bile, memorize his word, and spend time in fellowship. Is that not enough? How can I keep my way pure? According to Psalm 11:9, 11 " How can a young man keep his ways pure? By living according to your work. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." Well don't I do this? Your words are apart of my lifestyles, my hopes and even my dreams. So where am I going wrong? I decided I needed to step back and really see where my heart is. Am I really searching for Jesus or am I just blinded? Blinded by friends? family? career? money? love? All these things that come in the way of completely experiencing Jesus unconditional love and forgiveness. Now how do you know which ones are coming in the way? I am finding that seeking friends and food for comfort is coming in the way of feeling complete and satisfied. When something goes wrong in life I find myself turning to friends to find direction, to find solutions. I know there should be lines I draw. How much do people truly need to know about me? How much of pain should I share? All these things I find my self questioning and seeking to see if they are important part of what God wants me to share. I need to start seeking him first with all elements. He is the only thing that will allow me to feel complete. To make me feel like I belong to satisfy ever desirer, and to fill every hole in my life. I know I am not strong enough to do this on my own so I ask for Jesus help in allowing me to give over everything to him. To leave my plans be hide and to join Jesus in his plans. I pray that he continues to five me strength to keep moving forward to build on our relationship and to become ONE!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Cry Out!

I give a cry out for help and no one hears me! I keep yelling but no one looks, no one even turns. What did I do Lord! Please give me someone to hold me tight and tell me it's going to be ok! Someone to understand and not to ask questions. Just to hold me tight in the silence of the night. Show me again what it is like to be at peace, to be still, and to have the earth at my door step. I pray that you bring someone that will hear my cry's and come save me from the pains of this world. Please Lord I cry out to you, bring me out of the darkness and back into your light.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Bucket 100

When most think about riding a bicycle 120 miles in two days they only think for a second and then more on. Well if only I was able to do that. Each time a Habitat ride comes around I can never come up with a reason not to ride. Maybe this is how I should start looking at more things in life, because no matter the amount of pain go through during the ride I always look back and see how God pushed me along. It's only because of him I finished.

This last weekend was even more evidence of why I ride and that is because of the JAM Time I was able to have. At the end of last week I was feeling overwhelmed with a lot of different things. My heart was full of different things. My heart was full of ache and I was hurting. It just seemed like I couldn't do anything right. This hole in my heart has been growing and I haven't found a way for Jesus to fill it. And over the 12 hours of riding my bike I was able to understand the hole and come up with ways to allow God and Jesus to have it. It's something that might take a little while but I know with Jesus' help I can do it. I just pray that along the way I can stay strong and follow his lead.

In all this I pray,