Friday, February 20, 2009

Let Your Life Speak

"We have places of fear inside of us, but we have other places as well - places with names like trust and hope and faith. We can choose to lead from one of those places, to stand on ground that is not riddled with the fault lines of fear, to move toward others from a place of promise instead of anxiety. As we stand in one of those places, fear may remain close at hand and our spirits may still tremble. But now we stand on ground that will support us, ground from which we can lead others toward a more trustworthy, more hopeful, more faithful way of being in the world."

~ Parker J. Palmer

Ready to Run

As the waves of the world crash down on me I try to stand strong and firm but before I know it I’m running. Running from the waves, from the pain, and from the loneness of the world. Hoping and praying that someone or something would run after me. Wrapping me in their arms and telling me that it will be alright because with Jesus the waves of the world may crash at our door but they will never overcome us. Until then I’ll keep running.

Finding Rest

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

~ Psalm 62:5-8

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My Prayer

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

~ Psalm 139: 1-24

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Weight of the World

Over the past couple of weeks a friend of mine as been pouring out her heart and life to her friends and complete strangers. As I read her blog my heartaches in pain wanting to reach out and offer a helping hand. Even through I know our paths come from different places our experiences and trials seem to have similarities. Through her transparency I offer this glimpse of my own life to her and each one of you. And here we go...

The feeling of emptiness, of loneliness, and helplessness. All these things seem to overwhelm a soul. Feeling lost in this world, no where to turn, no hope for the soul. I keep turning, turning to find a way out, searching and searching for a way up, but only getting deeper and deeper under the weight of the world. My shoulders feel like they are going to crash to the ground. Wishing and hoping for a moment, just one moment of stillness, to recollect my thoughts, my desires, and my strengths. Overwhelmed by my past, the heartbreak, the feeling of uselessness, and nothingness fills my every thought. I try to build my strength to stand up on my own but the weight of everything pushes me deeper down. So I continue the search for a way out, to be filled, and complete. I tried filling my life with more and more things to block out these feeling. To distract myself from the emotions that continued to haunt my mind. I even searched for happiness in money, men, and friendships. But when I felt my life beginning to crash to the ground no one was there to catch me or soften my fall. One night in the stillness of the air I crashed. I crashed harder then ever before, but this time I cried out for help, for something greater to reach down and pick me up. From the depths of my soul I cried, I cried, and I cried tell there were no more emotions left in my bones and there out of nowhere was a light. A light of hope reaching out to pick me up and stand me on a foundation of rocks. Before that day I didn't realize the power, strength, and love of the Lord. He filled me up with his spirit and lifted the weight of the world off of my shoulders onto his own. His desires for my life were more then I could ever of imagined. He put his flame in my soul that day and changed the way I view the world. That day the Lord planted a seed in my heart and even today it continues to grow stronger and stronger as the Lord's light shines bright in my life for everyone to see.

I pray from the depths of my heart and soul that you to would cry out to the Lord and allow him to completely fill your life. To offer the weight of the world into his arms and be completely absorbed my his love and grace.

God Bless each and everyone of you!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Light of my Life

Over the past 3 or 4 months I have lost the fire in my life, in my heart, and in my soul. I have allowed other's views of me control my actions, and most of all my relationship with Jesus. This is because the more I listen to others and focused on their views the more and more I felt Jesus fading in my life. I continued to clean out the different areas in my life I knew were not Jesus' plan however by the time I got to the next area of my life that last area was beginning to fad away. Life began to become overwhelming with everything that I had on my plate. I searched and searched for Jesus' hand but I was blinded by my own self-image and my own need. I felt lost in my own body. I wanted to run and hide but I had nothing to hide be hide. In stead of changing I became angry at my self, hating everything that I had become. Knowing the relationship I needed in my life was being pushed out of my life because of my own sin. This made me fill with deep sadness.

This last weekend I was able to meet up with some friends that encouraged me to seek Jesus once again from a different angle. To have a heart fill confession and lay everything down at his feet. Well singing praise songs at the conference I attended I felt Jesus pulling at my heart. I bowed my head and prayed, and confessed, and poured my heart to Jesus. I laid all my troubles an the table and my heart felted released. After the conference I was on my way home when Jesus' truly spoke to me. I was just driving down that road when my eyes filled with tears. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I continued to release my struggles with my image, loneliness, career, education, and everything else that was on my heart. I poured everything in to his hands and he took it all. Every last bit of it. He placed his arms around me and drew me into himself. At that moment I felt the life breathed into me. I felt the light being brought back into my life and the joy radiate from my body. I praise Jesus for bring this light/life back and lifting the weight from my shoulders. Now may I look up to Jesus each and every moment of my life! May I praise him each and every day of my life.