Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Light of my Life

Over the past 3 or 4 months I have lost the fire in my life, in my heart, and in my soul. I have allowed other's views of me control my actions, and most of all my relationship with Jesus. This is because the more I listen to others and focused on their views the more and more I felt Jesus fading in my life. I continued to clean out the different areas in my life I knew were not Jesus' plan however by the time I got to the next area of my life that last area was beginning to fad away. Life began to become overwhelming with everything that I had on my plate. I searched and searched for Jesus' hand but I was blinded by my own self-image and my own need. I felt lost in my own body. I wanted to run and hide but I had nothing to hide be hide. In stead of changing I became angry at my self, hating everything that I had become. Knowing the relationship I needed in my life was being pushed out of my life because of my own sin. This made me fill with deep sadness.

This last weekend I was able to meet up with some friends that encouraged me to seek Jesus once again from a different angle. To have a heart fill confession and lay everything down at his feet. Well singing praise songs at the conference I attended I felt Jesus pulling at my heart. I bowed my head and prayed, and confessed, and poured my heart to Jesus. I laid all my troubles an the table and my heart felted released. After the conference I was on my way home when Jesus' truly spoke to me. I was just driving down that road when my eyes filled with tears. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I continued to release my struggles with my image, loneliness, career, education, and everything else that was on my heart. I poured everything in to his hands and he took it all. Every last bit of it. He placed his arms around me and drew me into himself. At that moment I felt the life breathed into me. I felt the light being brought back into my life and the joy radiate from my body. I praise Jesus for bring this light/life back and lifting the weight from my shoulders. Now may I look up to Jesus each and every moment of my life! May I praise him each and every day of my life.

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