Thursday, September 4, 2008

To Many Questions

Over the past couple of weeks life has been a huge learning lesson of what I don't want my life to be. Sometimes along the road of life there will be many ups and downs and well right now I am at a low stop in life. On the radio today there was a little ad that say, "I might be a mess right now but just wait and see what God is doing." That totally hits the spot with me. God is teaching me a lot about myself and how I need to trust in him. It's just learning to accept and to love that. To put a side my personal feelings and love for others to focus on just my relationship with Jesus. To keep a schedule and not to become consumed with life and one thing. To sit back and enjoy life. To wake up every morning with the eyes of a new born baby. To not hold back life because life won't sit back and wait around for you. You must live it as it happens, as God presents a new door you must open it with eager eyes. I know this is the way I should feel right now however I don't. I try to plan and make myself do stuff but I don't I just sit here with nothing. Trying to find a way out. Trying to make since of my life and what God has planned. Trying to find direction in my life. Finding something to hold on to.

The other day I met up with a friend of mine because she was going through some hard times. During that time we talked about just ever part of life. We talked about education, love, lust, friends, family, work, God, and just about everything else you can think of. At first I thought I was there because God wanted me to help a friend sort through life, however soon enough I learned that God wanted me there to take a step back and look at my own life. To take a view at every element of my life and see where I was. Was I where I thought God wanted me? Am I going in the wrong direction? Am I putting my heart in the hands of others? Where am I getting my happiness? From that I learned so much more about my self. However then I began to cry because I wanted so much for Jesus to have control, to have him be my life and with the way I was living I was handing that over to others. I was falling in love, and was seeking directional advice from my peers, and most of all I was letting the devil take away my happiness. However I must seek strength from Jesus to get me through this time. To grow in faith during this period of life so he can reshape and mold me to be who he has planned me to be. So I ask all of you to pray for me to reach to Jesus and that I will be able to hear his voice loud and clear. And that I will be able to put my feet back on solid ground!

God's Peace!

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