Being known is often the most frightening thing is life. Well at least it is for me. I try my hardest to not to be known. To hide who I am because of the fear of being known may cause sadness and pain. My way of life has also been to hide and/or to run every time life becomes overwhelming or uncomfortable. The best way I have controlled or really had a lack of control has been to pack up and move. Six months ago was the first time I moved without running from something or someone. It wasn't an attempt to get away or to start fresh. It was just simply a calling I felt to follow Christ and serve him wherever he would led. This move however has been the hardest. I have spent most nights crying myself to sleep wondering what my purpose is here. Why Lord, Why have you sent me here? I question and ask God to reveal his plan, to show me his path, and to be the light in my life. But more days then most I am left still questioning his plan. I have experience enough sadness in my life to know that brighter days will come. That the clouds will clear from the sky and the light will shine ever so bright. But the cloudy day have made me gloomy. Dreaming of brighter days. Hanging on to the hope because I know even on cloudy days the sun still shines ever so bright behind the clouds. So, days when the world seem to be against me and my first response is to pack and run away I dig in the depth of my soul and grab that hope only you can give. And I pray that some day I will feel safe to be known. Until then I hang on to you.
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