Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Broken

Words? Where are you? I've tried writing about so much. The KY Horse Park, Alaskan Cruise, Berry Picking, 4th of July Celebration, Horseback riding, and even sleeping under the stars, but nothing seemed important. Life the last month has been some what of a roller coaster. Everything important in my life, that keeps me stable has been wiped out from under me. The last blow come yesterday, and to be honest I was not surprised. As I sat there taking it in I not only cried but laughed. I started laughing at my life, at God... Why? I found myself thinking, really God is this all you got. I throw up my arms in anger and said "take it." I'm tired of it all anyways. Just take every single thing it my life while you are at it. I know you will come back for it anyways. Just take it! Frustration overwhelmed me at that moment but for some reason I began to feel at peace.

In so many areas of my life I have settled for less. I've been fearful of what might happen. This summer I followed Jesus to KY because I felt him wanting to do big things in my life. He has and so far it has been horrible, to be honest! With change I am learning you MUST become broken first, and I sure have been broken. This 'Dream Big' theme is my theme for the year. Jesus reminded me of this on the 4th of July as we drove down the street. On a fence someone had spray painted the words, 'DREAM BIG.' It was a great reminder.

So here is to Jesus picking up the pieces, and to the dreams in the making...

2 comments:

findingmywingsinlife said...

Did he take himself away or did he teach you to lean on him more, to let him carry you?

Just a thought, besides what do I know, I'm the girl that argues with you on the whole religous stuff.

God's Child said...

He is teaching me to completely lean on him!