The Deepest Cut

I cry out in pain, in heartache, and loneness. I burying my head into my hands and burst out in tears. Uncontrollable I weep, for the last person I could trust made the deepest cut possible on my heart. I sit here weeping because I lost my best friend, I lost the person I counted on to be their in time of need. I sit here curled up in a ball of emotion not wanting to move, not wanting to live life. But as I'm crying and my eyes start to burn I think about Jesus' arm reaching out to pick me up. I think about his love and the hope he gives me. I know and understand Jesus' love but tonight my heart was cut to the deepest layer. It was cut to remove the hardened shell from my heart but for tonight I lay here and cry tell my eyes run out of tears. Tell God reaches down and says enough I let you release the pain and heartache but now it's my time. It's my time to be your everything, to mold your heart, and to be your rock! Tell then I lay here with my head buried in my hands and cry.

Crashing to the ground!

The silent air around me starts to close me in. I try to move, I try to breath, but nothing. I try to break through but nothing. I try to cry and yell for help but nothing. The walls get closer and I begin to break. The pressure crushes my heart, my soul, and my strength. Tell almost nothing is left.

Laughter!

Growing up I was always told about how laughter is great medicine but truly didn't believe it tell last night. I was reading a friend's cousin's blog and just started laughing. Now I'm not just saying a small little laugh but a full blown belly laugh. I sat there reading and watching the videos posted on this blog laughing so hard for about 30 minutes. I couldn't help myself. My roommate came over and wanted to know what was so funny so I joined her in on the blog. So not only once did I get to enjoy the laughter but twice! I don't remember the last time I have laughed so hard, but I can tell you it was just what I have been praying for. It brought a new since of fulfillment to my life. A fresh start to the cloudy days, and a renewed love for Jesus. The joys of life came though in my laughter and now that is something I have been missing. The happiness of living and the joys that Jesus brings each one of us. So the next time a cloudy day comes I will look for Jesus showing me a little laughter!!!

God Bless the Lord

White As Snow

"Come now, let us reason together... Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."
~Isaiah 1:18

Passion Eyes

Often enough we forget about the passion we have. The passion for love, success, hopes, and dreams. We hold back on things that make are heart race because of the risk of failure. Yesterday, however I received a boast in my inspiration. I was showing an apartment to an individual who was moving to the community as a visiting professor. Along with this lady came her sponsor. This gentleman and I began to discuss my future and career path. I told him about my education so far and what I was thinking about in the near future. He however told me that I had to much passion in my heart and eyes to settle for less. That he could see the fire burning in my eyes to accomplish more then I ever dreamed of. This made me think about life and what passions God has given me. What will I do with these passions and how will I know it's what God has planned? Will I settle for being content or dreaming dreams beyond my imagination. Using it to soar beyond all expectations and desires. This passion I have I believe is the passion of faith. Of knowing that whatever I set my mind to God will provide along to journey. So I take this inspiration to heart and begin to search out side the box for a journey, a door Jesus is unlocking! What it will unlock Jesus only knows and until then I will embrace this passion and allow it to fill every corner of my heart!

Searching for something more!

Often in life we search and long for something more. Something that completes us and makes us whole. The question I ponder in life is this hole in my life and how can Jesus fill this?

Soaring

Tonight I let down my walls and I spread my wings. May God guide, protect, and strengthen me in all the days on my life!

Motivation Behide Actions

Over the past couple of weeks I have felt an overwhelming pressure to explain my actions in life. Now I wonder, is this something that comes with the friends I have or is this something that God wants me to evaluate? However because it has been occurring more times then not I become an little uneasy. Do people think I have a deeper meaning be hide my action. I can't even take a vacation, a break from all of this without people questioning my reasons! WHY? Why do I need to example my actions, my hopes, my dreams, and my life with Jesus! Can't building my relationship with Jesus be enough? Can't that be a reason to wonder off? Can't that be a reason to fall in love with each and every person on this earth??? And if not, why can't it? Shouldn't the only person I need to explain things to be Jesus? Then why does everyone need to know, need to understand, and to be involved in every aspect in my life?

Picking Up Roots!

Sometimes in life God calls you to pick up your roots and to move. To leave the places you know and the friends and family you love and begin again. To believe in his ways and to follow. I took this step just over a year ago and now I am finding myself faced with the same choice again. However this seems even harder then before. Since moving here I have learned more about Jesus then I have ever thought was possible. I have completely given him my heart and now I look watching as he molds me into the person he originally designed me to be. With this comes a completely new outlook on life. I question my hopes and dreams and wonder what God has planned to turn them into reality and to turn them into the joys of my life. I have also imaged living overseas serving the Lord in some type of mission work. However it has always been on the back of my mind because I was waiting tell I was married and had someone to share the experience with. But lately I have decided that life is not worth waiting around. Life is meant to be full of joys and to live, laugh, love like there is no tomorrow. So now I'll take the leap of love and follow Jesus, where ever his love takes me!

Half-Marathon Completed!!!

I can finally say I have completed my first half-marathon ever!! This however comes with many lessons I have learned and still have to learn. Over the past five months I have been training with a very close friend of mine. We have had our set backs but in the end it never got in the way of finishing! I would have to say we came a long ways starting out not even being able to run a mile and now finishing 13.1 miles! WOW just looking at that I myself am impressed.

However the week before the race I had became ill and not knowing how I would even be able to cross the finish line. I trusted in God that he would give me the strength and heal me enough to be able to complete. Now going into the race I set aside all of my goals because at this point all I wanted to do was to cross the finish line with Jesus by my side. The race started out great and I was surprised by how well and fast I was running. It was an amazing atmosphere and the cheering crowd boosted my will power. I complete the 1st of 13 miles in just over 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. That was an amazing pace and if I could keep that up it would be truly amazing. At this time I think I started to set goals that I couldn't keep. Wanting to push God's power and help me complete something that was impossible for what I had trained for. However I kept going and pushing my self around. By the time I reached mile 5 I was on cloud nine. Still running at an 11 minute pace and it didn't seem like I was going to get weak. The only thing was that I was now leaving the crowds of people and the thoughts of not even being half done was entering my mind. I didn't want this to get in the way so I started thinking about a topic a good friend suggested. The topic of happiness and joy! This topic became a part of my mind and helped me get past the next five miles. However my mile 10 my body was starting to shut down. I started filling a intense pain in my foot! It hurt so bad and I prayed to God to take away the pain but it didn't go away. I kept trying to overcome the pain but it was just something I couldn't. I had pushed my mind, body, and soul as far as I could. It was now time to say ok I need to walk. For the next couple of miles I pushed through the pain and walked my way up and down the hills. It was something that was harder then running the first ten miles. By the end of the race I was joined by a friend who pushed me to finish strong. I know it was something that I had to do. As I made my last turn my eyes were full of tears and my teeth were biting away the pain. I took the last little bit of energy I had and ran! Across the finish line I went and I was now a half-marathon finisher.

When people have been asking about the race I try not to answer because I am not proud of how I did. But looking back I should be proud of the pain and miles I went through to be at the finish line. The months and miles I trained and all the 5 a.m. runs. This experience has been an experience I'll never forget and I know that it wouldn't of been possible if it wasn't for my Savior Jesus Christ who pushed me along.

Looking for more in all the wrong places!

Looking for more in life is something that makes you question God's love and his plan for yourself. It guides you away from God and replaces it with earthly things. You question how could this happen? You do everything possible for God's plan, you read the bile, memorize his word, and spend time in fellowship. Is that not enough? How can I keep my way pure? According to Psalm 11:9, 11 " How can a young man keep his ways pure? By living according to your work. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." Well don't I do this? Your words are apart of my lifestyles, my hopes and even my dreams. So where am I going wrong? I decided I needed to step back and really see where my heart is. Am I really searching for Jesus or am I just blinded? Blinded by friends? family? career? money? love? All these things that come in the way of completely experiencing Jesus unconditional love and forgiveness. Now how do you know which ones are coming in the way? I am finding that seeking friends and food for comfort is coming in the way of feeling complete and satisfied. When something goes wrong in life I find myself turning to friends to find direction, to find solutions. I know there should be lines I draw. How much do people truly need to know about me? How much of pain should I share? All these things I find my self questioning and seeking to see if they are important part of what God wants me to share. I need to start seeking him first with all elements. He is the only thing that will allow me to feel complete. To make me feel like I belong to satisfy ever desirer, and to fill every hole in my life. I know I am not strong enough to do this on my own so I ask for Jesus help in allowing me to give over everything to him. To leave my plans be hide and to join Jesus in his plans. I pray that he continues to five me strength to keep moving forward to build on our relationship and to become ONE!

A Cry Out!

I give a cry out for help and no one hears me! I keep yelling but no one looks, no one even turns. What did I do Lord! Please give me someone to hold me tight and tell me it's going to be ok! Someone to understand and not to ask questions. Just to hold me tight in the silence of the night. Show me again what it is like to be at peace, to be still, and to have the earth at my door step. I pray that you bring someone that will hear my cry's and come save me from the pains of this world. Please Lord I cry out to you, bring me out of the darkness and back into your light.

Bucket 100

When most think about riding a bicycle 120 miles in two days they only think for a second and then more on. Well if only I was able to do that. Each time a Habitat ride comes around I can never come up with a reason not to ride. Maybe this is how I should start looking at more things in life, because no matter the amount of pain go through during the ride I always look back and see how God pushed me along. It's only because of him I finished.

This last weekend was even more evidence of why I ride and that is because of the JAM Time I was able to have. At the end of last week I was feeling overwhelmed with a lot of different things. My heart was full of different things. My heart was full of ache and I was hurting. It just seemed like I couldn't do anything right. This hole in my heart has been growing and I haven't found a way for Jesus to fill it. And over the 12 hours of riding my bike I was able to understand the hole and come up with ways to allow God and Jesus to have it. It's something that might take a little while but I know with Jesus' help I can do it. I just pray that along the way I can stay strong and follow his lead.

In all this I pray,
Amen

Giving Up Control!

Over the next couple of days I will have the honor of having my parents come visit me. Don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to their arrival however I am not looking forward to their judgment. After giving my life to Jesus I have became a new person. Someone who my parents know very little about. This trip for me is a chance for my parents to learn who I am and how I now live my life. To meet the amazing people God has bought into my life and just the doors he has opened for me! I was very eager at first to open this part of my life up to them however now the closer it gets the more I don't want to share. This is because of there judgment and telling me how it should be done. The more and more I think about it, the more worried I get and the more thoughts of what they think goes through my head. Also the more and more I know I must give everything over to Jesus and let him have total control over the trip. I must go with what he has planned and just be open. To know it doesn't matter what their view of my life is because Jesus is the only thing that matters and he is right here next to me each step of the way! If any one is reading this please pray for me to give up control to Jesus, to allow him to show my parents who I am, and that he has a plan for me right here in Indiana!

Bucket List

Another check mark can find its place on my bucket list. After many years of dreaming about skydiving. I along with some amazing friends made the trip to Greene County Skydiving in Ohio. Watching my friends make the jump I questioned if I would be able to also make the jump. As I came closer to the door I got the overwhelming rush of realization that I was in seconds going to be falling 120 mph down to the ground. However at this point it was to late. I was falling, I tried to move, I tried to scream but nothing. Nothing came out, nothing moved, I was in complete ohhhh of the overwhelm view. At no time during the fall was I afraid. I felt safe and I think this was because I knew Jesus would not allow anything to harm me. Looking back on the whole fall I can see how Jesus wants me to live life. Even when life seems like it is crashing to the ground I need to feel safe in Jesus' arms. That it's going to be ok. That I need to seek his guidance and then he will provide me with the safety net to calm everything down around me! So I guess at every moment I am learning from Jesus! What a great way for Jesus to teach me a lesson. :D

Sky Diving

Making the choice to jump is the hardest part! In so many ways in life I am deciding to make that jump. I just hope I don't lose my heart along the way.

What is Love?

Over the past year I have been living on an emotional roller coaster and needed to step back and look at the feelings that I have been living. With this I also needed to step back on look at what is love, what it means to be in love, and how to love unconditionally! For in John 13:34-35 it say "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Does this mean we are to be madly in love with everyone because God is madly in love with each and everyone of us. So this made me start searching for some answers and doing some research on different views on what it means to love.

While I was searching I came across a survey of 4 -8 year olds, who were asked for their views on love. It's amazing some of the answers they gave.

• "Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."
• "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
• "When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know that your name is safe in her mouth."
• "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
• "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs."
• "Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
• "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
• "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
• "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss but they look happy and sometimes they dance in the kitchen while kissing."
• "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
• "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
• "Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no."
• "When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she still love you, she loves you even more."
• "There are 2 kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them."
• "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
• "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they've know each other so well."

How smart is the young child who knew there are two kinds of love; Our Love and God's Love! WOW! Or what about the one who said in order to love better you should start loving a friend who you hate. It's amazing what you can learn from children!

However it still brings up the question of how can you use the same word for; I love Jesus and I love pizza? The means of both love's are completely different from one to another.

Wikipedia defines love as: "Love represents a range of emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feeling involved, make love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. As an abstract concept love unusually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person. even this limited conception of love, however encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationship and, owing to its central psychological importance, and sought after by many religions of both Easter and Western origin. "

Wow now that is a way to look at love. What do you think? Do you want to go back to the 4-8 year olds answer about love? :D

Don't you worry this is just a small bit of what people view love as. As I was searching for answers I also came across a website that made me question love even more by comparing it. So here are some more questions to think about.

If you are looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it?
Can you tell the difference between love and infatuation?
Between love and attraction?
Between love and sexual desire?
Between love and friendship?

I use to think that love was a choice and I found many people online who sees it the same way. One person put it as "Love is actually the choice one makes to put someone's wishes, desires and needs above our own. Many people confuse the word love with the meaning of the word want or desire." Another person says she loves him "because of his physical appearance, statues, mentality and his ability to make me feel good and important." So is this what love is about, feeling good?

What about the difference between unconditional love and tough love? Is this what the young child was saying when he said there are two different types of love? Unconditional love is usually viewed as being very accepting, supporting, and forgiving, where as tough love is disciplined, authoritative, and conforming.

Another website gave steps, tips, and warning about love. At first it was funny to think of love as a step program however many of the things are view helpful.

1. Say it! ~ Really mean it
   
2. Empathize ~ Put your self in someone else's shoes
3. Love unconditionally ~ Allow them to be themselves and accepting them as they are.
4. Expect nothing in return!
5. Realize it can be lost ~ How lucky you are

The first tip that they gave really hit home and it is "It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings." This really makes you want to love more in a selfless way. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do and I think that is why we must look to God for guideness when it could to love.

In the New Testament the word Agape is used as love. Agape is chariable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world, it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another. Now this is the kind of love I've been looking for. But how?

I think the first thing a person must do it to love themselves. In order to love another person you must know what it means to love and the is loving yourself for who you are and just loving every part of you. The next step is the most important commandment in the Bible and that is to Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength. From there you have the second commandment and that is to love your neighbor as yourself. With this of course comes the risk of getting hurt. But that is part of letting yourself fully love and trusting someone. I guess you must look from it on the other side, what if you don't love what would life be like, never loving?

Here is a quote to think about...

"Without love, life would not be worth living. With love in our lives, we are empowered beyond belief. Without love in our lives we will shrivel up and diew a slow, painful, and lonely death. Love is the very essence and core of our being. It is the energy that sustains who and what we are. Everyone in life has a deep-rooted desire to love and be loved."

So as I step back and look at the love in my life. I learn that it's ok to be in love to be head of heels for friends and for that matter people I have never met. It's only when I stop them from being themselves and who God created them to be when I need to remember God's unconditional love. For love is not met to be a want or a desire, it is something that God created for everyone to share with each other. To live and to love! For "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) And someday when I fall in love with the man God brings me I will be able to share my deepest lows, highest highs, and truly be myself in every way possible. Tell that day I will go on with life loving each and every person God bring in to my life with all my heart, mind, and soul!

Question Of The Day!

Here is a question I am pondering...

What is LOVE?

Training

Over the past 4 months I have been training for my first half-marathon. Many people have asked WHY? Why put yourself though running 13.2 miles or you can look at it running for 3 hours. That just doesn't seem fun at all. Well I do it for the excitement of pushing myself. Because I know I will only be able to complete this task with God next to my side. So instead of looking at it running for 3 hours, I look at is as spending 3 hours in deep conversation with Jesus Christ. It's more then the commitment of running each day it's the commitment that I am here to stay and that I want God by myself for ever. Push me to do things I only dreamed about. So that is why I push myself each and every day to go out and do my best. Today I completed my first 6 miles run and I couldn't of felt more alive. I never once gave up no matter how much I wanted to. I looked to God and started going over my bible verses. Along the way we also ran by a golf course and God had a golf ball waiting for me. I found this to take my mind off of running. Gave my hands something to do because of my attention span as well it gave me a great way to memorize verse while running. I will just write the letters on the ball and then I can take it with me. Overall I found a great way to keep going and being able to put my mind back on Jesus. It's truly is amazing how Jesus works!

Only 39 more days tell race day! :D

Living My Dash

1984 - 20??

In life there is your day of birth and then also your death. The (-) dash in between those dates is up to you. How you choose to live is truly in your hands. It's your choice to make the jump and it's your choice to climb down. Which ever way you go is in your hands. It's only God's hand that shows you the way however it's completely up to you to follow. Over my lifetime I have taken my life in my own hands. Made the decisions based on what was best for me or what was easiest. However over the last two months I have given control over to Jesus. Letting him lead me to straight paths. This journey however has has some growing pains, some heartaches, and some detours. But it's with these things that I live my dash. I might of only learned what I don't want to do with my dash but I have learned to completely look to Jesus for my ways. To seek him and to find him with all of my heart. Over the next week I will be working on letting Jesus pill off the hard layer of my heart that has stopped me from expressing emotions, and most of all crying. It's not the past that defines a person it is what they do with the past that defines them. So may I live my dash as Jesus has planned! Enjoying all the ups and learning from the downs.

Goodbye

I say Goodbye to this life. For this is not how I plan to live and so I give it up. Take the leap and hope Jesus catches me on the way down. For I wanted more to offer then I could ever of so now I hand it all over and pray that I won't crash to the ground. I pray that Jesus will find me and give me strength. To open my eyes like that of a new born baby. To soar on wings of eagles. To run and not grow weary and to walk and not be faint. So may this be my pray as I say goodbye and farewell to the demons in my head. With all my heart and in Jesus' name AMEN!

To Many Questions

Over the past couple of weeks life has been a huge learning lesson of what I don't want my life to be. Sometimes along the road of life there will be many ups and downs and well right now I am at a low stop in life. On the radio today there was a little ad that say, "I might be a mess right now but just wait and see what God is doing." That totally hits the spot with me. God is teaching me a lot about myself and how I need to trust in him. It's just learning to accept and to love that. To put a side my personal feelings and love for others to focus on just my relationship with Jesus. To keep a schedule and not to become consumed with life and one thing. To sit back and enjoy life. To wake up every morning with the eyes of a new born baby. To not hold back life because life won't sit back and wait around for you. You must live it as it happens, as God presents a new door you must open it with eager eyes. I know this is the way I should feel right now however I don't. I try to plan and make myself do stuff but I don't I just sit here with nothing. Trying to find a way out. Trying to make since of my life and what God has planned. Trying to find direction in my life. Finding something to hold on to.

The other day I met up with a friend of mine because she was going through some hard times. During that time we talked about just ever part of life. We talked about education, love, lust, friends, family, work, God, and just about everything else you can think of. At first I thought I was there because God wanted me to help a friend sort through life, however soon enough I learned that God wanted me there to take a step back and look at my own life. To take a view at every element of my life and see where I was. Was I where I thought God wanted me? Am I going in the wrong direction? Am I putting my heart in the hands of others? Where am I getting my happiness? From that I learned so much more about my self. However then I began to cry because I wanted so much for Jesus to have control, to have him be my life and with the way I was living I was handing that over to others. I was falling in love, and was seeking directional advice from my peers, and most of all I was letting the devil take away my happiness. However I must seek strength from Jesus to get me through this time. To grow in faith during this period of life so he can reshape and mold me to be who he has planned me to be. So I ask all of you to pray for me to reach to Jesus and that I will be able to hear his voice loud and clear. And that I will be able to put my feet back on solid ground!

God's Peace!

Patience

Here is a quote to ponder...

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew."

~ Saint Francis de Sales

Seeking Guidance

Over a life time a person can receive an overwhelming amount of advice and direction. However are they truly seeking it from the right person. We should not seek advice from peers because they usually make us turn away from the Lord. In Jeremiah 17:5, 7, 9 it says – This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? - This really does make you think where you get your direction from.

Right now I am seeking direction in a couple of areas and Jesus is showing me what it means to completely trust in him and how he is providing for all my needs. I need not to worry about
where my next meal will come or if I will have enough money to fill up my car with gas, or which job will make enough money. For no matter what Jesus will provide me with enough to get by and to make ends meet. Over the past three months he has provided with a family that has opened their home to me. They have provided me with food and shelter and of course a support system that is one of the best around. Jesus has also provided me a friend that has questioned my relationship with Jesus. Who has pushed my beliefs and has made me realize the importance of seeking Jesus for guidance. These are just some things that Jesus has guided me to. However he is continually guiding me and presenting doors in front of me. Which ones I open that is something that I am seeking his guidance. Which ones I wait for that is something he is also offering guidance for. However I am learning that I must wait for him and not seek the advice of peers because that is turning my trust away from the Lord and that is the last thing I want.

So for now may I seek Jesus and follow him all the days of my life!

It's ok to cry!

Sometimes in life you just need to sit back and cry. No one ever said it was bad to cry. Jesus even cried, look at John 11:35. So you might be wondering why so sad, why not cheer up big pup as an old friend would say. But sometimes in life you fall in love and love is not a easy thing. You try your hardest to do all the right things and act the right way but then you're not prefect. You missed a step, or get out of alignment, and you heart begins to ache. In all my ways I find my self searching and reaching for that love. The love the last through all kinds of weather, and in all times. The love you don't question because you know at every moment he is as madly in love with you as you are with him. This love is the love I long for and the love I know I have.

The End Of The Beginning

Over the past year I have had the honor of serving as an AmeriCorps member with Habitat for Humanity of Indiana. This opportunity has opened many new doors in my life and has allowed me to add purpose and meaning to my life. I came to Lafayette looking for life and I gained so much more then I could every of imagined. Since that leap of faith I have completely handed my life over to Christ. Giving everything I am and I have to his glory. I have meet some of the most amazing people and they have inspired me to reach for the stars. To put faith in my self and to believe anything is possible when you walk next to Jesus. I can truly say now I am living life. I am reaching for the mountain tops and I'm not holding anything back. I mean who just gets on a bike and rides 350 miles across the state of Indiana? Well I did and that is one thing I am proud of. I never gave up and each time when the rain fall and my body filled with pain I looked to the Lord to get me strength and he did. He provided for my need and never let me down one minute. Now he is allowing me to even push my self further as I train for the half-marathon. Each of these events have made me realize that anything is possible with Jesus by my side. I truly understand Jesus purpose for this last year in Lafayette and I look forward to each new day to see what he will provide for me. Who he will bring in to my life, what career path he has plan, and just how he will mold me into the person he has created. So may this not be the end of a journey but only the beginning.

Word of Wisdom

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight!

Sharing New With Old!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

One of the hardest things to do is to go back to the past. To met your fears head on and to open up your heart to all your friends and family. To let them see the changes and let them know that this is who you are. This past couple of days I have traveled back home to see and celebrate my brothers wedding. With this comes the past and what people know of me. Also it comes with questions and beliefs that many just don't understand. I put my trust in the Lord and just pray that I will be able to allow some to understand who I am and that Jesus is now the center of my life. I put my life in Jesus and he will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6) this is my prayer!

Sharing the Light

Saturday, July 19, 2008

A new sense of purpose has overwhelmed me with happiness. This new purpose in my life is sharing the light of Jesus with everyone I know. Letting people know my journey and helping them along the way to begin a personal relationship with Jesus. Today I was given the chance to share my story with two close friends of mine. Before my journey with Jesus I would never of bought up religion, however now I look forward to sharing my story and the relationship I have with Jesus. Each day is a new step for me and I am amazed at what Jesus is doing in my life. I look forward to each new day and each new chance to make my light shine bright for all to see!

The journey called LIFE!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Everyone has a story to tell in life and my story is about the wonders of my savior Jesus Christ and it goes a little like this...

Along the journey called life I have experienced many up's and down's and have had my share of hitting rock bottom. However at every bottom I seemed to find Jesus reaching to pick me up and put me on firm ground. About a year and a half ago I decided to take a leap of faith and follow Jesus to the Lafayette area because this was where he was calling me. I didn't really understand what he had planned for me but just knew it would be something amazing. Since moving to Lafayette Jesus has opened many new doors in my life. He has allowed me to meet some amazing people who showed me a better way of living and that was living for Jesus. Since then I started looking forward to things, planning ahead, and just gaining confidence in myself. However there still was something missing and that was the ultimate gift of handing my life over to Jesus. I was holding back because I was afraid of letting him have complete control over my life. Also I was afraid to let a man into my life because of the violence, the rejection, and the hurt that came from past experiences. I truly didn't know if I could let myself fall head over heels in love again. This however was something Jesus was allowing me to open up about. Jesus gave me an amazing friend that I felt safe around and allowed me to open up and talk about past issues that was stopping me from giving my life to Jesus. Another thing that was stopping my relationship with Jesus was that I was trying to force it. I wanted so bad to hand everything over and for it to be prefect the next second. That's just not how it is, love with Jesus is something that come natural. There is no forcing it. From their my conversations with Jesus completely changed. I started feeling him in my life, and in my heart. On July 4th Jesus proposed to me the most amazing way. He did it the way I had always dreams of, the way I wanted my princess charming to propose. However it was more amazing then I ever thought. After I said yes I was flooded with emotions. I started skipping and grinning from ear to ear. At that moment I had felt the most alive then I had ever felt in my life. Since that day Jesus has made a new purpose in my life and that is living for him. I have gained patiences, I've stopped worrying, and most of all he is giving be confidence to share his love with others. The most amazing thing is the feeling of love. Every corner of my mind, body, and soul is truly head of heels for him and this is not because of something I did, it is because of the power and grace of Jesus. I now look forward to the doors Jesus presents in front of me and I open them with the eagerness to see what amazing thing awaits!

JESUS PROPOSED!

July 4, 2008

The day I have been waiting for finally came and it was more amazing then I ever thought it would be. Over the past couple of days I have been learning about how 'Love' is not something you force, it's something that comes natural. Learning this made me realize what was stopping me from allowing Jesus to completely take over my life. I was forcing the whole relationship, when really what I wanted to do is to sit back and let Jesus come into my life. Offering everything I have for him and let him do whatever he saw fit. Giving every corning of my heart to him and reaching for him with open arms. That's what I did and he accepted my love request with a celebration that I could of never imaged. Jesus proposed to me (July 4th, 2008) the very way I imaged it would happen with my prince charming, I just never knew it would be Jesus on the other in. Sometimes in life you are amazed by the littlest thing and well this is HUGE! Jesus truly does know each of us and our deepest desires! Just like the fire flies glowing at night, may my love for Jesus glow for all the world to see.

A Sign From Up Above!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Just yesterday I was questioning my love for Jesus and how I could fall head over heals for him. I want to have a personal relationship with him just like if I was married to him. I was going over and over it in my head just picturing what it would look like. So far we have gone on walks, had long talks over just about everything, and even cried and laughed together, but the thing that has been missing is the head over heals feeling you get when you are crazy in love with someone. Knowing at every moment you are loved by them and that they would do anything in there power to be with you and only you. Well while I was driving yesterday a car pulled out in front of me and reminded me how much Jesus truly loved me and wants to have that relationship with me. Now you might be saying how can a car pulling out in front of me do this. Well you see on the back of the car says "Jesus Loves You." Just what I needed. I have always said that boyfriends writing messages on windows or in grass was always romantic and how I wanted that to happen to me and yesterday I had that chance. Now it's not the man back then I thought would write me a message but this message was well worth the wait and means more then anything to me. It is opening my heart to the possibilities of the connection with Jesus and the love you can only get when you are head of heals in love. I continue to wait to see what he has next for me and I know that want ever it is it will be more then I ever imagine.

I Got A Little Hope In My Pocket

Friday, June 20, 2008

Messages from above sometimes come in amazing packages. Over the past couple of weeks I have tried to find the true joys in life. I have started the journey of giving my life over to Jesus and beginning to have a personal relationship with him. This is a huge step in my life and so far it has been one of the toughest things I have ever done, however Jesus is always there leading me back to him. Yesterday I was at a friends house and he told me he had a new song he wanted to play for us. It was by Bebo Norman called, "I'm Alright." Below is the words ;

I got a little hope in my pocket
I want to share of it with you
Just be careful that you don't drop it
Don't worry if you do
Cause I've got broken down inside me
And I might just need some help
But I will get by
Hey, hey
And I've got demons in my history
Got bone beneath my skin
I've been taken by a mystery
Yes I've been taken in
And sometimes voices down inside me
Try to fight me for myself
I will get by
Hey, hey
What have I got to live for
If there is nothing beating in my chest
And what have I got to live for
When this world starts turning
It's burning me up
I'm alright
I used to think love was just a barter
Second hand coincidence
What doesn't kill you just makes you harder
So I use my common sense
Keeping cold to keep my distance
Til' you took my pride away
Now I will get by
Yeah, yeah
Cause what have I got to live for
There is nothing beating in my chest
And what have I got to live for
When this world starts turning
It's burning me up
I'm alright
But I am not afraid
No I am not afraid
And I will not go crazy
I got a little hope here in my pocket
Want to share of it with you
Just be careful that you don't drop it
Don't worry if you do
Cause I've got voices down inside me
And I might just need some help
I will get by
Hey, hey
What have I got to live for
There's nothing beating in my chest
And what have I got to live for
When this world starts turning
Burning me up
When my heart is hurting
I'm learning about love
When this world starts turning
It's burning me up
I'm alright

When he first started singing this song I got this rush over me and I know at that moment Jesus was speaking to me. The song talks about having demons in your past and how when you don't have Jesus in your life you feel like you are burning up inside with no hope. However if you have Jesus/the voice deep in side you don't need to be afraid because he LOVES you no matter what. Now how is that for a Little Hope In My Pocket. How is this for Jesus showing me how important my relationship is with him. How I need to truly give my life over to him and to never worry about what is going to happen as the world starts to turn. This song also made me realize how important it is to rely on friends to help me become closer to Jesus. It is these people in my life who have opened my eyes and I thank God every day for bring them into my life as well as giving his one and only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins.

When life gets tough I will always remember to reach down into my pocket and gab that little bit of hope. Because I got a little hope in my pocket and it is called Jesus! And now I can move mountains! :D

A New Start to A New Beginning

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Most people think of a new start as getting a new job, a higher salary, or even a change in location. What about becoming a full-time volunteer or even handing your life over to Jesus and giving up life as you knew it. Well that is what I am doing with my life. Some say I am completely crazy and others look up to what I am doing. I view it as a chance to truly follow Jesus and to grow to be the person he made me to do.

This past week I finally gave up my pride and started the application process of receiving food stamps. WoW! Just starting the process has opened my eyes to what people in poverty have to deal with. I always questioned why low income family never had savings or even a retirement. Well you can't if you want any type of assistance. Is this what we are trying to communicate with our society?? I thought we wanted them to learn to save and be able to end the cycle of poverty!! Plus what about housing assistance. I also looked into this and you must first be put on a 18 month waiting list. So are you telling society go be homeless for 18 months and then we will feel sorry for you and help pay for some of your houses cost. I think we need to re-evaluate our system so people who are in need can receive help right away to get them back on there feet.

God has given me this experience to open my eyes to the world around me and to also learn to put my faith and my life into his hands. This past six months in my life has been truly amazing and even through I am living at poverty level God has given me some truly amazing gifts. He has given me amazing friends, a higher self-confidence, and the view in life that I can do anything with God by my side. In Philippians 4:12-13 Paul says "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." This verse gives me a new motto in life and that is that no matter what happens I can do everything and anything in Jesus Christ my Savior. To me this is a truly amazing start to a wonderful life and I just can't wait to see what happens.

Check back soon and see how God is working wonders in my life! :D